


Break my Heart Again

by EvasiveCupid



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Other, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 14:50:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15145508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvasiveCupid/pseuds/EvasiveCupid
Summary: This is inspired by Finneas' song of the same title and an article I was reading about jealously in open relationships, though it itself does not portray an open relationship. Not one that is wanted by both parties anyways."So go ahead and break my heart againLeave me wonderin' why the hell I ever let you inAre you the definition of insanity?Or am I?Oh, it must be niceTo love someone who lets you break them twice"





	Break my Heart Again

**Author's Note:**

> Any mistakes of any kind are all on me! Especially with tagging and formatting (would love to have tabs before each paragraph, etc.), I've never posted before. If I should add any, please let me know!

“I just feel like something is missing in our relationship, and I think that this is the way to fix it.”

Your reasoning doesn’t make any sense at all, but I find myself nodding in reply, my lips parted limply but not a single sound escaping. Sitting beside you on this bed built for two, a bed which we worked endless hours to be able to afford, my knee is pressed against yours, the heat radiating into my body but doing nothing to warm the chill that has settled into my bones. At least you had the decency to ask for permission this time.

“You aren’t going to say anything? Nothing at all?”

But what on earth is there to say? I can’t even qualify your question with movement. Everything in me has numbed, my heartbeat that a moment ago was tripping over itself in excitement has now stuttered to a stop, and I find my eyes affixed to a single spot in the corner. Your t-shirt lays there in a crumpled heap a few inches to the left of our hamper. Your attempt to throw it there not ten minutes ago had ended in failure, and I know that the mess will stay there until one of us gives in and takes care of it properly. All of this would be easier if I could hate you. You get on your knees in front of me, blocking my vision so that I instead zero in on you.

“It’s not that this isn’t enough. I’m happy, more than happy. You give me everything that I need. But I just… want something more. You understand, don’t you?”

I know that the eyes you’re staring into are blank. How can they be anything but when all of my will is slipping away, leaking from fingertips that dig into my knees so hard little crescents form in the skin? You promised me that I’d never feel this way again.

Inferior.

Lost.

Broken.

My eyes aren’t empty any longer though. I only know from the way that your beseeching eyes, eyes that once lit up my world and made me feel nothing but love and adoration, are becoming cloudy. Your grim face becomes blurrier and blurrier and blurrier, and I’m sinking and I’m sinking and I’m sinking. I’m sinking, and there is nothing you can do to pull me back above the surface. We have been here before. 

You promised, and I promised that I believed.

But promises are only as strong as the hearts that make and keep them, and my heart has been a glass container since that very first night; a container made completely of glass that has been cracked and splintered, yet pieced back together.

“It won’t mean a thing, I swear. If anything, this will make me love you more, really. I just… Ever since I saw them, I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Them. That elusive them. I can only imagine how they look. Perfect in every way, not a flaw in existence to repulse their viewer.

You said it wouldn’t happen again, and yet… and yet, here we are.

I feel your hand come to cup my cheek, and only then do I realized that my world has gone black. To hide my sorrow, I had closed my eyes, keeping the tears locked behind my lids like prisoners of war.

“Just forget it. Forget that I asked. I’m sorry.”

There’s resignation in your voice. I know that you aren’t truly sorry. To you, you have done nothing wrong. If you thought yourself that you had, you would have admitted it.

How could I have expected you to change?

I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew all along. I have no right to feel this sense of betrayal: a sense that shouldn’t even be there, because nothing has happened yet.

Not really.

What’s a few messages? A few get-togethers never hurt anyone.

And yet instead of my cheeks resting in your palms, there now lays my heart, arteries of loyalty and veins of trust tangled and knotted around your fingers with the grace of a six-year-old tying their shoes. Perhaps that’s why it is so easy for you to unravel them and let it drop to the ground. Again. You turn your back on me and begin to walk towards the door to our tainted sanctuary, and the stinging fear of you leaving me alone is all that it takes to crack open my eyes and wrench my voice from my vocal cords:

“If that’s what will make you happy, it’s okay. I don’t mind. I’m fine.”

Your entire face lights up with all the enthusiasm of a child who received that expensive new toy for Christmas, complete with the innocence of not knowing the cost of the gift. If I thought that saying that would keep you here, I was mistaken; your thumbs are flying over your phone. Your hands are packing a bag. Your lips are searing a kiss to my cheek.

Your feet are walking you out the door.

That is all that it takes. Like a marionette whose master has lost interest, with the resounding click of the door my strings are cut, and I crumple in on myself. I’m broken again. But as I lay here, the tears running freely, my lips pull into a smile. You’re happy…you’re happy…you’re happy, a mantra in my head.

I’m broken, and you’re happy, and that’s fine.

**Author's Note:**

> My first post ever on this site! Not a fandom piece, but I wanted to share nonetheless. Constructive criticism is appreciated and I hope that despite its heavy tone that it was an enjoyable read!


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